Today I am honored to speak to a group of women on how to have "the talk" with their children about SEX!
This is a current flow of conversation in the BAXTER home. Brittni is beautiful and 11 and Benjamin is handsome and Bold at 14.
Its very important for our family to constantly be talking about this subject with a reminder and emphasis on the BAXTER'S core values. Enjoy the resources shared and may it be a blessing to your family. I have also included an example of the dating contracts we have put together. The contracts change with age and trust. Again this is just something we do and like because we know the world is a tough place for kids these days.
This material will provide you with wisdom and allow you to be an experienced guide, identifying warning signs or "SPARKS" that start forest fires!
SPARKS always lead to physical passion, the goal today is to give parents free wisdom to formulate GODLY standards for guy/girl relationships that will guide them in the future.
On a personal note, I could have really used these boundaries growing up, I will honestly say they would have helped!
The lesson I am about to share is the lesson we do once a year, then the dating contract is signed.
YOU BET, we do signed contracts in our home.
I am a firm believer in putting core values and expectations on paper and agreeing together as a family.
SPARKS can grow and will turn into forest fires that could damage you and others.
I have a few close friends that I love to pieces that have been affected by young teen pregnancies. A spark
that lead to a big forest fire. These families handled a very hard situation with grace, mercy, love and
wisdom.
YES fires do happen to what I consider the "best" of families.
I spent time with some of these moms during the initial FIRE and it was very hot and overwhelming for the whole family. The tears, sweat and pain are very real.
In our family this will be the Third year using this material.
My son and daughter both have had the initial devotion or should I say (The serious sex talk from smokey bear) and then signed a contract.
I have a copy of the contract copied and placed into a file. We update this contract yearly and when they mature, more freedom is permitted. If they break the contract things are removed from their lives. It has been working WONDERFULLY...SO FAR!
Respectful children that choose to honor God is our goal.
Speaking of goals... as a family we desire to enforce Godly standards to control unwanted behavior in a clear and effective way.
Our contract communicates and provides clear boundaries. It clearly outlines unwanted behavior and family values while keeping tension and arguments to a minimum. Our ultimate goal is to bring God glory thru our lives. When we sign a contract we agree upon in UNITY what has been communicated.
I can only hope that this helps us keep running smoothly with our aim to bring God the Glory.
Remember our children will begin to make choices and our effective communication may help them in the future.
Listed below you will find a lesson and then our contract. I pray this will help you in the ever present dilemma of TEEN DATING and even MIDDLE SCHOOL drama!
FOREST FIRE LESSON:
1. What is Smokey Bears slogan?
“Only YOU can prevent forest fires”
This is the same with sparks in guy/girl relationships. These sparks can grow and turn into fires that damage you and others. It will be your responsibility to NOT light the sparks that can start forest fires in your relationships.
2. When a match is lit to a piece of paper, does it remain a spark?
(NO, it becomes a flame)
3. What happens when a piece of firewood is soaked in gasoline and touched with a burning piece
of paper? It would not get smaller and go out. It would catch the wood on fire and become a Bigger fire.
4. What would happen if you took the burning log outside to an area of dry grass, leaves Or twigs?
A forest fire.
GUY/GIRL RELATIONSHIPS
GOAL: To help our children formulate GODLY standards to
guy/girl relationships that will guide them in the future and at each age and grade level.
MEMORY VERSE: Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love ands peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22
FAMILY LESSON: Our children need to understand the connection between sparks that start forest fires and sparks that lead to physical passion that could lead to a forest fire!
Enforcing mature Godly standards to control unwanted behavior in a clear effective way. This is what is
expected, once a contract is signed it is agreed upon in unity by both parties. This will help us all keep running smoothly with our aim to bring God all the Glory~
*Provides structure for the family
*clearly outlines unwanted behavior
*family values
*reduce tension and arguments
*bring God glory thru our lives
I respect that my parents LOVE me and want to keep me safe and on TRACK with Gods plan for my life.
With this in mind, we all agree together on:
CONTRACT/ A BINDING AGREEMENT
1. This contract keeps our communication flowing about our family values on dating, relationships and
physical contact. DEFINE YOUR FAMILY VALUES BELOW.
Example: BEN AT AGE 11 6th GRADE :NO DATING or GOING OUT with limited use and time on
the computer and cell phone.
(these will change in the future and be updated as he matures)
We also did not do mixed gender birthday parties at this age.
create your own guidelines for your family its ok to be different.
2. I agree that traps are hidden from me and I will RESPECT that my parents want to be my guide
to identify warning signs.
3. I understand that I have to reach a maturity level before I am granted the privilege of dating.
Things we're looking for:
Responsible, trustworthy, shows respect for others, displays self-control, and WILLINGLY
FOLLOWS GUIDELINES SET BY PARENTS.
(When granted the privilege of dating we have a certain set of rules for each male and female. The rules differ with age and gender. Boys and girls need to be taught very different about what cause their sparks.)
4. I will protect my body 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20, Flee from immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18.
I understand my parents want my pre teen years to be a time of learning how to think through
things and make WISE decisions.
5 .I will try with only the help of the HOLY SPIRIT to honor and obey my parents to do what is
right, this is honoring and pleasing to God.
6. I BELIEVE God has a huge plan for my life!
The enemy is out to get me on my trail. BUT I CHOOSE to do what is right even when it is hard
and uncool.
We love you (name) _________ and Together we ask God to help us obey this contract
ALL SIGN BELOW AND COME INTO AGREEMENT
____________________________
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